Something I read some years ago jarred and challenged me. Inspired me, too. In the novel an order of nuns asked themselves three questions in spiritual appraisal. One question was: Have I lived up to my commitment to trust God’s love completely? A “commitment to trust God’s love completely” was a gathering of words that unsettled me in a good way. The idea of making a “commitment” to trust God’s love was a new way of expressing the life of faith. I had to confess (and have to confess) that I have not “lived up to this commitment.” In fact, I haven’t thought of it as a commitment.
Even after fifty-seven years of belonging to Christ, I still struggle with trusting His love completely — but I want to. For me, it always seems to be a process: struggle, inspiration, confession and trust. Current inspiration is Psalm 147:11. “But the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him, in those who hope in His steadfast love.”
I found a paraphrase of this verse that touches deep chord in me: “But His joy is in those who reverence Him, those who expect Him to be kind.” The Lord receives pleasure when I trust His love completely. It gives Him joy when I reverence Him and expect Him to be kind. So many thoughts to contemplate here: The joy of giving God joy…the lovely tension between a healthy fear of God and a settled confidence that He will do me good…making a commitment to trust God’s love.
It’s my desire and intention to, more immediately and completely, trust in His unfailing love, His mercy, and loving-kindness, in the situations that I encounter. The good question the nuns asked reminds me that a commitment declares that I’ve already made the choice: I will trust God’s love. I’ll probably continue to need the process but, by His grace, I hope to trust His love more immediately and completely.
Live the mystery.